It's been a while and I do apologize. And I also apologize for this being such a long entry. Sometimes I just think it's silly to pour my musings out on the unsuspecting public. I just think you got better things to do than to waste a day inside my head. But then I realize that's what makes us connect. Maybe if we shared our random stupid stuff with the people who care about us, then there would be a little less confusion and misunderstandings going on. You may not get why I do the things I do sometimes, but it wouldn't surprise you - now that you've spent a little time with me. So here goes...
First, an explanation... when I get quiet... when I'm not even paying attention, things just start flowing through my head (spirit?). And it's not just a sound when it comes to music. I mean it may start that way, but then it completely takes on a life of its own. If I'm writing a song, it's no longer me just trying to nail down the composition that I am hearing in my heart (spirit?), but this becomes a whole movie that I'm watching. No, it's even deeper than that - as I find myself actually surrounded by whatever imagery is driving the creation of this music. Like I'm now no longer just watching this movie, I'm actually sitting IN that movie. For instance... say I'm working a Jazz piece. I will hear something that suggests a chord progression. As I start nailing down how the chords go, I start hearing the other instruments around me. Next thing you know, I'm sitting in the middle of a band with guys around me playing the chords I'm hearing. And from there its an actual performance venue. I can hear the audience responses, I feel the heat from the lights shining on the band. I can feel the vibrations from the instruments around me as they play notes from this song - that I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED YET! It's only a day dream - sometimes just a momentary flash of images, but a powerful journey nonetheless. It's so real that reality is often a letdown when I come back. The challenge now is that I have to actually recreate the impression that I experienced. If I don't get there - even though everybody who hears the piece LOVES it - it's hollow to me. All because I couldn't share with you what I experienced. I couldn't put you inside the movie.
I know I wrote about this before, but I needed to be more clear on this. I was quiet one day. I got this quick flash of an image. It wasn't a picture. It looked more like a slow moving shot, the view point that the movies often show us when an unconscious character first wakes up? This was from an elevated position as I could see only a blurred background that extended for what seemed miles. It was just an arm against a thick wooden plank. The arm had a huge nail about the size of a railroad spike sticking out of... maybe the palm of the hand? And that was it. Just a quick flash of that. It had a profound effect on me and I couldn't shake the image. So I just got quiet and let the image flow through me. I ended up back in another movie. In this movie, I came to understand that the image I saw was actually the crucifixion - but from Christ's point of view as he hung on the cross. I was seeing through his eyes as he glanced at his arm now nailed to the cross. He was exhausted and in agony from all that he'd been subjected to in the past 24 hours. The humiliation, 39 lashes from a scourge, the crown of thorns shoved onto his head... the image was a little distorted as he probably had blood dripping into his eyes. He was elevated above the crowd, so I saw the people below me (him). I could see them looking up at me (him) with this sick rage and rejection even though he was hanging on the cross and dying. He was being murdered in the cruelest way possible at the time and that still didn't appease the seething hatred they felt for him. It appeared that even though he was experiencing this unimaginable pain and suffering, they still wanted to hurt him even more. And it showed on their faces. Yes, there were some there who still loved him, like John and his mother. But I didn't see any of that. I just saw those who hated him and even his being publicly tortured and executed didn't appease their hate. It was like these people no long had blood flowing through their veins, just pure liquid black hatred. And knowing all of this, he made it clear that if he HAD to do this all again to save mankind... he would do it. He knew all of this about them and he knew he would do it all again - anyway.
Oh... here's the live performance of the song. Do check it out if you can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHCpX2s_UmE